All that you can carry

My apartment building is being fumigated today.  Clearing out all of my cupboards last night, I had a temporary and unpleasant flashback to the fumigations of yesterday.  Luckily this fumigation is not in response to a specific problem of mine (e.g. roaches, bedbugs, mice).   In fact, I think it’s targeted against these innocuous ants that have quietly taken up residence throughout my apartment (including in my underwear drawer, mysteriously).

Because I don’t have house help or a family here, the maintenance person will be going through my apartment with the fumigator.  To prevent possible disappointment, I packed up my ‘valuables’ and brought them to work with me.  As I walked down the stairs with my work bag feeling only slightly heavier than usual, it occurred to me that with its contents, I could walk away from my apartment and never go back.  The bags of clothes and food that are now stacked on my furniture mean little to me.  When I leave, most of what I have will be passed on to colleagues and friends.

I’m still struggling with the significance of this (presuming there is some).  At home, I’d be hard pressed to walk out the door on any given day and think “I have all I could possibly need with me right now”.  But why is that? Sure, my things at home are (marginally) nicer.  After 8 months I also agree there is a chance that I’ve simply forgotten about the things that I was so attached to.  But I can’t help wonder, is this what it feels like to become a ‘rootless’ individual?  The sense that I could go just about anywhere with little notice, confident that I have or will find everything that I need?

And yet I am uncomfortable describing myself as rootless.  I think because it seems to imply something lonely and fragile.  But what I am describing is feeling as though I have everything I need.  Reading about this past week's events in Sudan I am yet again reminded of my good fortune- not only do I have things that I would voluntarily leave behind, I have the luxury of taking what is most important to me without compulsion.  Although I am no longer involved in the minutiae of the lives of the people I care most about, thanks to technology, I am rooted in the knowledge that we are still connected from across the world.  As I involve myself in the daily lives of my good friends here, I am nurturing a set of roots that will slowly span the globe.  One day I’m sure I’ll establish some physical roots.  In the meantime, rooted as I am and living on the top floor of my building, I'm relieved to be traveling light.