too lucky for my own damn good

hello hello,

so i know that it seems that i hop from one fun(ish) looking event to another (which is generally true, we do find fun ways to occupy ourselves here) ... but i've actually been spending some of my time here thinking too... i'll make it brief because the first thing you learn in grade school is that thinking is boring (which is maybe a small part of why i've never been cool)

alas... lately i have been stressing a lot about 'what i'm going to do with my life' --- the fact that i'm only here for 6 months makes it pretty hard to feel as though i live here -- instead it feels like i've had to start planning my next move since i've arrived... i've found this stressful and have spent many a time feeling (somewhat) sorry for myself.

luckily one thing you get when you go somewhere like vientiane is perspective. i am actually feeling uneasy because quite literally i think i can do anything i want (which i understand isnt entirely true) but the point is i feel as though i have too many options to choose from. frankly, i'm uneasy because i'm too lucky for my own damn good... there are so many people that i've met here who would kill to have the choice of moving anywhere, working in a field they are interested in...

case in point: we had an interesting conversation with my lao teacher during our class the other week -- she spoke of how she was robbed of opportunities to study abroad or better herself when she was young here. we werent really sure what to say to her -- because what do you say to someone who feels (probably rightly) that they were robbed of their own potential? the truth is not much... as a start, though, i think i can live my life with a greater awareness of how fortunate i am and hopefully with less whining (you guys will have to call me on that, because i do love whining)

so i think i'll leave it at that.

miss you all

c